How to Talk to the Girl You Like
It doesn't matter if it's in a coffee shop, at university, a bar, on the street, or anywhere you find yourself; it's disheartening to see a beautiful girl pass by just because you couldn't bring yourself to say hello.
There's always that fleeting moment when your eyes meet, and you feel that she might have welcomed a conversation if only you had stepped forward. But fear wins, and you part ways, each feeling the sting of what could have been. It's a common issue for many guys; girls can seem overwhelming, especially when they're in a group.
The dread of becoming fodder for their discussions once you're gone is paralyzing. Yet, there's hope.
We have straightforward, practical tips to share that are guaranteed to ease your conversations with girls. After going through our guide, speaking to the girl you admire will come naturally.
Let's start by focusing on some personal improvements you can make.
Brutally Honest Reasons Why She Might Not Want to Talk to You
At some point, you might have felt that the cute girl talks to basically everybody except you. If this feeling heavily resonates with you, there might be a few things we need to nip right in the bud before we can move on to the actual tips.
Listen, bud, the first step has to be looking at the things you have been doing that we can improve on. So, here are some of the possible reasons why she might not be too keen to talk to you:
1. You are too shy to try.
Shy fellas have the toughest luck.
They have low self-esteem and don't have the initiative to approach girls. Shy guys are too anxious and think of a million possible outcomes immediately that all lead to rejection.
When you are insecure, you automatically think that she is unattainable. She will never give you the time of day. So, you end up not trying and letting yet another beautiful girl pass you by.
Instead of attracting women, shy guys emit a vibe that they are untouchable and any approach is unwelcome. Believe us when we tell you that women can sense that from a mile away. And boy, they'll be sure to steer clear from that type of energy.
2. You probably don't look your best.
Hate to break it to you, man. But it's time to be brutally honest and see what we are dealing with here.
Like every other interaction, first impressions can mean a lot. This applies to women, too.
Women are very detail-oriented and sometimes, we, men, just aren't. In all honesty, how often do you wear those sweatpants out, even if it's just to do some 5-minute errand? We get it. Some clothes are more comfortable to wear than others. But boy, do women notice if you've made an effort or not.
It doesn't need to be big things. Try combing your hair. Wear a freshly laundered shirt that shows people you care about how you look. Look good and feel good.
You'd be surprised how the little details such as wearing decent clothes and having neater hairstyle can influence how warmly she'll respond to you.
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3. Your energy and body language scream "I don't like you."
Before you say anything else, have you ever took a step back and looked at how you behave around women?
Take note of your body language. If you are guilty of not making any eye contact, crossing your arms, and pointing your legs in the opposite direction, then you are seriously emitting strong "Don't come near me" vibes.
Listen, man, women are very intuitive, and they can sense all kinds of energies. The vibe you are exuding might not be the most welcoming, to begin with.
This is a type of social defence mechanism. We can get in our heads and come up with a dozen worst-case scenarios even before they happen. When that happens, we tend to get closed off and hide under the "indifferent facade" to protect ourselves.
But think about this. Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you be much more receptive to people that make you feel that your presence is welcome? Exactly. Women just won't warm up to a guy that sends the signal "I'm not interested."
4. You are too overeager that you come off as creepy.
Sometimes, we can be too intense and overdo it—total overkill.
Instead of coming up to her like a normal human being, we overcompensate by being too eager.
When you immediately show too much intensity right at the beginning, she'll most likely label you as too strong and frankly, a tad too creepy.
Play it cool first. Don't wait on her hand and foot. Don't assault her with millions of personal questions. Don't overdo the sexiness that it isn't natural anymore. Or else, she'll see you as an annoying creep or worse, someone she can friendzone.
Always remember, she might not be as attracted to you as you are to her (yet). When you give out signals of being too interested in her, that might just end up pushing her away instead of pulling her to you.
5. You overcompensate with cockiness.
Have you ever heard of the term "peacocking"?
"Peacocking" is where you flaunt every one of your shiny and colourful feather for ladies to admire.
We hate to break it to you, but that strategy will only backfire on your ass. Badly. That doesn't work because of: A. She'll only see it as a humble brag; B. She'll dismiss you as a douchebag; or, C. You'd only keep the conversation revolving around you.
You'll only put off quality girls who are actually relationship material and who would honestly love to get to know the real you. No posturing and pretences needed.
Instead of getting her to like you, you'll only get her to roll her eyes at you and dismiss your ass faster than you can say "hello there."
Now for the part, you've been waiting for: surefire tips on how to smoothly talk to girls. Are you ready? Let's begin.
Bulletproof Tips on Starting a Conversation and Getting Her Number
We aren't here to give you half-baked tips that will only give you mediocre results. Instead, we will be providing you with step-by-step instructions on how to approach her best, how to keep the conversation going, and even how to score her number.
Part 1: Impress her by being impressive
- Explore your own hobbies and interest
Keep tabs on your hobbies and interests. You can use these as future conversation starters. Books, movies, TV shows—either she has seen it, read it, or heard about it. If she did, then great! You have things in common. If not, you can have fun introducing her to new stuff. Either way, it's a win-win. The more things you can talk about, the better.
- Be more comfortable talking to other people
Listen, you need to start being more at ease when talking to other people. You can do this by talking to other women like your female neighbour or random acquaintance. Get used to talking to women like a normal human being. Practise speaking out loud. So the next time you approach a girl, you won't end up a shaky, sweaty, and stuttering mess.
- Be presentable.
These are just the small things you need to pay attention to. Comb that hair and spray on some aftershave. Wear clothes other than your go-to day-old sweatpants. You can shrug and say, "I don't see what the fuss is," but trust us when we say women can notice even the tiniest details. So make sure to look neat and smell great.
- Learn not to fear rejection
When you psych yourself out, you already lost the battle that hadn't even begun yet. Here's a protip: just because you failed on one girl doesn't mean that the outcome would be the same with the others. Keep on trying and building that confidence back up.
Part 2: Making the First Move
- Be direct and approach her confidently
We will let you in on the secret. Once you know this juicy little tidbit, it would undoubtedly affect the way you'd interact with women. Do you think you are ready for that?
Okay, the secret here is: girls make an instantaneous judgment about you using her natural intuition. Where did that intuition come from? She was born that way! She'll pick up on even the slightest hint of nervousness: your tonality, your speech rate, and even your volume. Speaking too soft and too fast can set off an alarm on her brain that you are unsure and don't know what to do.
The best way to approach her is by coming up to her directly and maintain eye contact. Keep your posture straight. Remove filler words like "uhhh" and "ummmm". Be confident and straightforward. If possible, practice modulating your voice not to be too low or too high pitched. Keep it steady and firm.
- Have an open and friendly body language
Remember what we said about being too closed off that you drive girls away instead of attracting them? The key to that is to have a good body language. You might have mastered the art of communicating, but that's nothing if your body language conveys the opposite of what you are saying.
Maintain eye contact. Angle your body towards her. And for Pete's sake, do not cross off those arms. Instead, hang them loosely beside you. This will show her that you are interested and open to talking.
Here's another protip that is backed by science: people subconsciously point their feet towards the person they like when in a conversation with them. Similarly, if you see their feet pointing in the opposite direction, they are probably not remotely attracted to you. That's one way of knowing if she's interested or not. And also another thing to signal her you are welcoming and attracted to her.
- Have a good conversation starter
This one's a tough one to crack. But with the right conversation starter, getting that girl to talk to you will be a lot easier than you think. There are two ways you can go about here, and both require the exceptional skills of observation.
First, ask things about her and/or your immediate environment. Make sure that these observations can be followed up by a question instead of being a dead end. For example, say something along the lines of, "I don't think you are from here." She'll ask why. To that, you answer, "Compared to others, you look the happiest." And then, she'd most likely want you to elaborate on how you came up with that observation.
The second trick is to state something that will pique her interest and get her talking. Whether it be books, pop culture, movies, profession, education, or whatever, find that chink in her armour. Be that guy she can't help but respond to.
For more good conversation starters, check out Pick Up Lines for Women where we went in-depth on the best openers you can use on girls.
Part 3: Keeping the Conversation Going
- Use whatever she says to you as a bridge to add to the conversation
Treat making conversation as an art form. As an art form, a good conversation requires finesse. The greatest mistake a man could make is to respond to whatever she says in a way that ends a conversation. If she says something and you answer with a very bland, "Oh, that's great," that just kills the conversation.
Instead, what you should most definitely do is to treat everything she says as a bridge you can use to add to the conversation. For example, instead of saying "That's great," you can say react by asking her further questions or telling an anecdote that's related to what she said.
- Get to know her better and ask about things she cares about
If it hasn't escaped your notice, girls can talk for hours. This is because their brains secrete dopamine when talking. They literally get high off talking. Keep the conversation on her and ask about things she cares about. If it is her family, ask about them. If it's about her work, ask about her office, boss, co-workers. You get the picture.
It is a good way of establishing an emotional connection with her. Girls think and speak with emotions. Use that as a way for her to warm up to you.
- Be creative and talk about interesting things that aren't usually brought up in conversations
Part 4: The Follow Up
- Make loose plans
Carefully drop loose plans. Don't freak her out by having solid, concrete plans already. Just hint at it. This puts no pressure on her or you but still has enough weight to keep you connected. This way you can gauge if she's up to seeing you again or not.
You can drop hints such as:
"Right, we should get coffee at that shop. Heard they import their beans from Brazil."
"We should stop by at that restaurant. Heard they have the best steak in the city."
- Ask for her number or her social media handles
Once you've done these steps, all that's left to do is ask for her number and/or social media handles. Having gone through the process, there is a high likelihood that she'd want you to ask her number. She had this great conversation with you and she'd be glad that you'd want to keep in touch.
Surefire Tips on How to Ask Her Out on a Date Through Text
Great, you've mustered enough courage and have finally approached her. If you've followed our tips right, you most likely have her number by now. So, what's next? How will you be sealing the deal?
With no pressure of saying something in real-time, you can craft and strategize your messages more creatively. Here are some foolproof tips on how and what to text her:
1. Get her attention and make her laugh
You've most likely made a good impression if she'd given you her real number and not a fake one. Experts have debated back and forth whether to text a girl immediately or make her wait. Well, we say, "Do whatever suits you."
However, when you do decide to text her, have great openers. You can be funny and witty. Be a guy that she'll want to get to know.
2. Use good grammar
Grammar is important, too. Place yourself in her position. Which of these messages would you be more inclined to respond to?
Person 1: Helo, waddup? U luk pretty fine.
Person 2: Hello :) How did your day go?
Wouldn't you rather reply to Person B instead? Having good grammar and spelling create an image to girls' heads that you are a decent and upstanding guy.
3. Talk about her specific interests or other things you've noticed about her.
Observation is the key, gents. Don't just say she's hot. She'll give you extra brownie points if you mention a sort of tidbit she mentioned in the passing.
Remember, you want to talk to her. Not just hit on her. One sure way to do that is by asking things about herself. You show more interest when you ask "So, you've been to Australia. What's it like there?" compared to "Ooh, girl. You looking hella fine."
4. Be definite.
If you don't want a grey kind of answer, then ask a specific question. Instead of a weak, "We should hang out soon," be direct and say, "Do you want to hang out sometime this week?"
This will let her know that you do want to get to know her better. And in perfect honesty, this strategy allows her smaller room to renege on you. It's either she wants to hang out with you or not in the beginning.
5. Make concrete plans.
The greatest mistake guys tend to make is not making stable enough plans with girls they like. Great, you've talked to her and exchanged contact details. But all that talking will be for nothing if you don't follow that up with some concrete actions.
Remember those loose plans we've mentioned earlier? It's time to solidify those and bring them to action.
The truth of the matter is, girls are more likely to flake out on you if you don't make concrete plans. The best way to do this is by asking her out and actually setting up the time and the date.
Start with a firm yet straightforward question, "Do you want to grab drinks this week?"
When she replies that yeah, she's up for it, follow up with, "Would Thurs or Fri work for you?"
See how the plan is solidifying here? Next, set up the time. Text her, "Awesome, that's cool for me, too. Does 7 or 8 pm work for you?"
The more details you agree on, the more real the plan becomes in her head. This will reduce the chances of her bailing out on you by 1000%. You get your date and you are even guaranteed that she'll show up.
Once you've set that up, make sure to plan the greatest first date. You can absolutely do it.
Conclusion
Sometimes, how we approach girls can be just as important as what to say to her. We've mentioned this before, and we'll repeat this: confidence is the key. Be genuine and give off positive vibes. She will be ten times more likely to respond to that.
Having a failed conversation with a girl doesn't mean that all conversations will end that way, too. Be brave and put yourself out there. You will never know unless you actually try talking to her.
Founder of Datingscout and Author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies"